Broken

As I was preparing to spend my summer serving God in South Africa, one of my biggest concerns was that after having had several opportunities to witness poverty and injustice firsthand, I might not be as affected by what I saw and experienced in South Africa. I didn't want to ever feel numb to people who are suffering.

I spent a lot of time in prayer asking God to break my heart over the things that break His heart. I hoped that my time in South Africa would help me to understand God's heart for the world rather than just for our country.

I've been back in the United States now for just over a week, and I am certain that God answered my prayers in big ways. I told my family the other day that not only did God break my heart over the people of Africa, he wrecked it. My heart was broken to pieces every single day by what I saw and experienced in South Africa, and I will never be the same again.

Now that I am home, it's difficult to think about anything besides how deeply I desire to return to Africa. I miss the kids at Lighthouse more than words can describe. Some days I almost feel as though I'm mourning the loss of a loved one.

At first I just wanted this sadness and this brokenness to go away. I just wanted to feel normal again. But I'm realizing as it gets a little bit easier to wake up in the United States each morning that I don't want the brokenness to go away. I asked God to break my heart, and I'm so grateful that He did.

My brokenness is a daily reminder to cry out to God on behalf of the people in Africa who are suffering and living in shacks and dying of AIDS and struggling to feed their children. It reminds me each day to be so grateful for all the many blessings God has given me and that I need to be a good steward of what I've been given.

But most of all, it reminds me of the best summer of my life, the summer I spent with my Lighthouse kids, who changed my life more than I ever expected. Those 35 kids have a very special place in my heart, and I left a little piece of my heart behind with them.

I've already checked out plane tickets to South Africa for next summer. I'll just have to wait and see where God takes me next. If South Africa is his plan, you may never see me again. :)